November 26, 2005

   In my lifetime I have had to supplement my income with many different occupations to support my ART habit. I have worked in restaurants  (fast & natural food),  bars & a memorable 9 years at a grocery with a deli.  Boring & tedious work!! But art jobs (murals, portraits, signs, faux finis, etc) only covered about 40% of the bills. It was brought to my attention that I could use my Bachelor of Fine Art degree to substitute teach at the local schools. Heck! I like short people, I could always find another food industry job if it didn't work out & it would certainly be a change...  Little did I realize 3 1/2 years ago how much of a change. 

   In the 4 schools I work at, on an almost full time basis, I know over 400 names. I used to be the kind of person who forgot a name 30 seconds after being introduced. As a substitute teacher it is a mandatory survival technique to remember. Most of my precious ideals about the nature of children, like innocence, hope, love, endless possibilities, etc.,  have had to be modified to include the instinctive animal nature of the young to test their boundaries to its' limits. There are universal laws about how children will behave when a substitute comes in the room. You know them, 1. Try to get away with as much as possible. 2. Pretend ignorance of all the usual rules. 3. Disrupt or stall the lesson plan, claim that the class has already done this assignment, or has no clue where that book is... 4. Try to trick the substitute with: name switches, language problems, "we always do it this way" instructions, " our teacher lets us do this", etc.  5. Or just plain old ignore the teacher, (usually this technique is used by older kids). I must say, working as a substitute teacher is never boring!!! I am challenged every day to communicate effectively,  keep modeling polite, positive behavior & practice forgiveness (sometimes by the minute...). I am human & sometimes don't live up to perfection...yet I keep trying. If I had to write a job description for this kind of work it would read: Intelligent, Loving, self confident, kind, generous,  forgiving, open, communicative, adaptable, creative, sympathetic, calm, thoughtful, compassionate, quick witted, benevolent, humane, considerate, understanding, tender, composed, diplomatic, gentle yet firm dominatrix desired for temporary work with impressionable & volatile young people. Must bring own carrot & (figurative) stick...  If anyone knows where to find that effective cologne 'Essence of Authority' I would gladly pay any reasonable price. 

   When I began working at school, I didn't realize how much I would carry home with me.   It is a lot like being the stone that skips across the lake, I don't get to have deep relationships with the students, but, I do get to know a little about all of them.  My heart holds them with hope; there is good in each & every one. It seems the human condition is to have to struggle, I don't know anyone who has had a perfectly easy life & trial by fire seems to be how we are formed. We make choices, amid the chaos, which shape our evolution towards being human. (personal definition, Human: to be self responsible, honest & compassionate.)

December 3, 2005

When the little munchkins interrupt an instruction with "We don't do it that way or we always do it this way..." I ask them "Who is the teacher today?... That's right, ME the Pirate Teacher & we're going to do this MY way. Arrrghhh" It saves me from having to find the actual teachers personal props or take the extra ( vital to holding little minds attention) time to read more instructions...  This has led to a certain infamy with some children. There is something ineffably touching about having a small person see me around campus or even at the grocery store yell out " Hi Pirate Teacher!"  

Occasionally a student will pop out with "If you're a pirate, what have you plundered ?" (to paraphrase) At which point I must hang my head in mock shame explaining " I am a pirate with a moral problem . . . I have morals, which is a severe handicap in the pirate business. That is why you are lucky enough to have me as your teacher today." 

Children need be reminded of basic facts almost continuously on the road to self responsibility. Often when confronting a child with a misbehavior, I will ask, "How can I get you to remember to                ? "(play nice, be respectful or be safe) "Should I hang you upside down & pull your ears or should you say "I will play safe" 10 times?" Hardly anyone ever chooses the physical torture method of memorization & the rare child who calls my bluff gets "I'll work that into my schedule, I have a backlog of  tormenting to catch up with. Now say 10 times                 . . . ."

 

 

Dread Pirate Bonney
Like the famous Dread Pirate Roberts, you have a keen head for how to make a profit. You can be a little bit unpredictable, but a pirate's life is far from full of certainties, so that fits in pretty well. Arr! 

When Bess first came to live

at my house, she was a devil dog.

She barked at anyone who came too close

to our house. Her idea of too close

was the parking lot across the street.

Bess was afraid of tall men wearing plaid shirts,

she usually tried to bite any man fitting

this description. 

When we have visitors, she will growl 

and herd them back to a chair

if the visitor tries to go anywhere in the house. 

Once she met a mother and infant at a

local restaurant, when the father came out to

join his wife, Bess lunged at him to protect

the baby.  She chased my cats, Ami and

Amigo, until they showed her the error of

her ways by demonstrating their prowess with

their retractable stilettos.

With training every day for two

years, Bess has become a mostly

good dog.  She will heel, come, sit,

stay, lay down and fetch on command.

 

Although she still has to loudly tell

anyone coming to our front porch

that a large dog lives here.

I am of median height, yet have always felt under privileged in the tallness dept. .... I truly feel I should have grown to be 5'42"..... Because I did not adequately achieve the stature of my inner self, I have a slight Napoleon complex… All tall friends are required to  accommodate my need for climbing higher than they are to give & receive a hug.

A few decades ago, when the idea of music & speaking with in vitro infants was new, I had the idea that perhaps by communicating to a gestating babe I could influence their altitude potential.  I would identify myself as their adopted Aunt & explain that they must not grow taller than me. This practice amused the mother to be & often received laughter from nearby onlookers. I was not discouraged, all innovative scientific ideas seem silly in the beginning & this hypothesis would take quite a while to see its evidential conclusion. The long & short of it is that my experiment seemed to have merit, until… Two lady friends due at the same time (unknown to each other)  had allowed me to converse with their extended bellies. Each lady was partnered with a gentleman of a disproportionately towering nature. When at last I met each decanted newborn, I introduced myself again & was met with recognition.  It is true that the growing fetus will remember voices that it hears often.  I reiterated that they must not grow taller than me. Imagine my surprise when their response was quite literally to laugh at me. Not one, but two infants were whole heartedly amused by my (I’ll admit, selfish) ploy.  To my lasting chagrin, I knew I must abandon the supposition of verbal influence for genetic modification of height.  

 

However dismally the experiment had failed, there were a few bright morsels of success. As a side benefit of this verbal experiment, when the children were born they all showed definite signs of genetic influence from me. Every one of them had inherited my round cheeks & often some other trait as well.  (In fact one child with whom I had spoken to quite often looks like he should be my son…) AND that communicating with wee folk has lasting effects….  This seemed the perfect opportunity to enlist these beautiful cherubs into my future.  In addition to  speaking  with nascent zygotes, I endeavored to win the trust of each rug rat. I played ‘up in the air’ & ‘what are you doing upside down?’ (which has the extra added  benefit of being an excellent cardio vascular exercise…) with  the ankle biters until they saw me as a great source of amusement.  I would greet them with “Hello Short Person”. **

Once they have reached the house broken stage (out of diapers & enough manual dexterity to hold a dirty dish to clean it) I would make a proposition to each one. “If I let you grow taller than me, you must become an art patron when you are an adult with a career.” With a parental witness I would shake hands to seal the deal. In this way I am growing my own patrons.

 

**(or Hello Short People if it were a crowd) Astonishingly & unanimously  they  objected to being called short. Often snapping “I am not short.” To which I countered “You are shorter than me, so that makes you short since I am the national median…” We had many a verbal dispute upon the subject of shortness & the epithets thereby related.  The  most endearing exchange came from an angry young  boy. He would blow up every time I greeted him with “Hello Short Person”. But without being able to disprove his shortness, our banter would come to a stalemate.  I am so proud of the day he replied ever so sweetly “Hello Little Person”.  He was the first to dissolve his anger with a humorous retort.  Soon however these diminutive humans were competing to find other synonyms for short…  Shrimp, & Speck being two of the meanest  from one particular girl (now an Amazon & future art patron … Holly also has the honor of finding the loophole in our handshake agreement.)

Amigo is a 17 year old cat who has been with me since he was 6weeks old. (His dam chose me the day after I moved into the house across the street. She came to the front door crying, purred while pet then resumed crying as she walked 3 steps away. In this manner she led me across the street, through a gate to the shed with a large litter of 5 week old kittens.) He is a gentle, affectionate & grumpy feline who sleeps with me every night.  He has the uncanny ability of a good friend who knows when to comfort, I have not ever cried alone.  He usually will not come to anyone else's call . . . Bess, the dread pirate dog is almost 5, trained by myself &Amigo's sibling, the dear departed Ami.  Each of them likes to have an early morning constitutional followed by a morning nap, hopefully in a sunny spot on the front porch. Bess enjoys a mid day ball chase accented with an occasional gopher catch. Amigo retired from the rodent removal service years ago, not counting the occasional sport hunt for fun & torture. (When sport hunting, Amigo brings a live trophy into the house mewing loudly around a mouthful of fur or scales. After he is certain that everyone is awake to admire his catch, he lets the frightened, tiny chum down, to play with some more. He often loses interest in the Bounce the Buddy game  & invites his pal to play Hide & Seek, allowing the little fellow to run for cover. At this point I try to evacuate the new friend with a warning "Cats are not nice playmates & their idea of being flippant is literal." )  Afternoons are a mystery as we are usually at work, yet I surmise more naps are the order. If dinner is not served by 6:pm, Amigo begins quietly complaining, "Meow.......Meow......" However if dinner is not quickly forthcoming, his complaints become louder, "Meow..Meow..MEOW" until food is placed in front of him. On the other paw, Bess has perfected the psychic begging stare, "Starving over here, wasting to nothing, don't you love me any more?" implore her multi colored eyes.

Bess gets a sunset walk just before dinner & a late night walk just before bedtime. Amigo likes to stay out all day in good weather, come in for dinner & settle in for a long nap in my bed.  He has decided that 3:am is a good time for a  constitutional. He would have the same temper tantrum as a late dinner only he would yell "Meowt..Meowt.. MEEOWTT!!" Until finally I decided to leave the bathroom window open all the time. The tradeoff of the possibility of raccoon invasion was offset by a full nights sleep. Once Amigo could come & go at any hour, he achieved a prescient knowledge of when my alarm was set. No matter what time it was set, 6:15, 6:20 , 7:05... he would come in precisely 15 minutes (that most precious dream time) before it would go off to wake me.  From the cold, damp outdoors he would begin asking" Hey, are you awake?"  & keep asking (louder & louder of course) as he came up the stairs to my bed. Upon hearing my groggy voice, he would climb under the covers to dry off on me (thus insuring that I was truly awake now...) & purr "Good, I'll take my early morning nap now."

Just as the routine in our home became settled, along  came a beautiful silver grey Tom cat. He is twice Amigo's size length wise, yet curiously short changed in  leg length.  Subtly striped with pale jade green eyes, he has long white tufts coming out of his ears & a mane about his neck. He appears to be a long haired cat, when actually he is medium haired with the muscles of a Pit Bull.  Canvassing the four "cat loving" houses in our neighborhood for about 6 months, he was begging to be adopted.  Affectionately rubbing against any leg he could find, cozying up for a free lunch. He tried every charming trick to be noticed; rolling on his back for belly rubs,  yelling at the back door "Hey, anyone want to come out & play? Are you home? Got cat food?", purring ecstatically when he received attention. Our neighbor M was the first to think of adopting him. When she consulted her sweetheart, he replied "We don't need an extra cat." Now we had a name to refer to when talking over the back fence, "Have you seen Extra lately?..." G started in on me about taking responsibility for Extra. My first concern was for Amigo, I would not want him to be pushed out by a younger cat. We started feeding Extra, outside, on a regular basis & watching to see how the two males behaved with each other. Amigo allowed Extra to sit next to him in some of his favorite garden spots, so we allowed Extra to come in the house for a few supervised hours. Amigo appeared accepting & Extra stayed on his best behavior, seeming to know that he was auditioning for a place beside the fire while it rained outdoors. The next hurdle was getting Extra fixed, I did not want a wandering, spraying tomcat around. G took him to his  appointment & I picked him up afterward. Extra has been distant, even hostile to G every since. Meanwhile, feeling more secure, Extra has tried to assume the alpha position. Bess believes that she is the alpha of the world & wasn't wearing dominance from the new cat. Small ploys like sniffing the dogs dinner became teeth bearing stand offs where Extra was forced to back down. Amigo is my best friend, so that every imposition from the new cat was blocked by the giant who opens the can. 

Besides being extra large, he lives up to his name by being extraordinary. Stopped in his plans for house domination, Extra observed Amigos every move & began imitating him exactly. If Amigo sat on the front porch with his paws crossed, so did Extra. When Amigo stretched, Extra copied move for move, like watching a TaiChi class. Extra has apprenticed himself & is quite willingly letting Amigo mentor him in the proper household behaviors. Amigo observed that Extra will gladly exit through the bathroom window, yet seems to hate coming back in that way. This led to Amigo using the devious strategy of luring Extra out for a midnight hunt & then abandoning the younger cat for a solo return to my bed. Amigo's ruse worked quite well for many weeks, halting only recently. Extra worked out that he could block the traffic flow by laying outside in front of the window, thereby controlling egress... I guess the giant can opener shall have to intervene again.

My Best Prank Anyone remember Amandanor? (now calls herself Amandazon) She was hired by Lnr & Jessie to work as head of the scene shop when Lnr wanted to retire. We were in Devore, she was going through a breakup of a 5 month affair & falling to pieces, not showing up to work, spending hours on the phone while we waited for 'the boss' to help organize the shop. Meanwhile... I was going through a breakup of a 5 year affair & buried myself in work.

April rolled in & I saw the perfect opportunity for a prank. I enlisted Karma's help to leave a message for Amanda - "Phyllis would like you to bring a roll of toilet paper to the staff walk through." Jessie assisted by telling her "Phyllis is unavailable to call, but, it is April 1st..." Amanda took the task seriously & began asking everyone if anyone had some Quality toilet paper, not wanting to take the cheap Gump stuff. Hippy gave her a roll from his personal stash, giggling the way he does. The appointed hour came, off she & Jessie went in the golf cart, roll firmly held on top of her clip board. Instead of leaving the roll in the cart & waiting to see if Phyllis asked for it, Amanda walked right up to her & stated, "Here's your toilet paper Phyllis. What did you want it for?" Of course everyone there started laughing, Phyllis replied "I think you've been played a fool."

When Amanda came back to the MASH tent, I was working late on commission. I couldn't help giggling when I asked how the meeting went. Then she knew . When I finally went back to camp, I found my trailer TP'd. I still don't mind.... I was the recipient of a prank, she voluntarily played a star role.

All gods are valid,  only some are likable. Any path towards love is true & appropriate.

Life calls to life, we are connected unbreakably.

Growing up pillar to post, I was inundated with a variety of different religious customs & rituals. Each relative we lived with attended yet another house of worship, each following a slightly altered set of rules...  I have been in churches, synagogue, temple, meditation gardens, chapel, cathedral, etc. As far as I could tell, they all said "There is only one"  & then started a new list of regulations to live by. Some rules I found quite punitive, restricting the joy of life while emphasizing what seemed to be a rather masochistic road to heaven.  Preachers spoke of god's magnificent, forgiving love & the eternal pains of hellfire almost in the same breath, yet could not see the contradiction. The first time I realized that perhaps I could not follow conventional christian  beliefs was at my first communion.  To qualify for communion I had to attend catechism classes & have a first confession. Catechism emphasized Eve's role in the downfall of humans from the Garden, hence all women were less then men in god's eyes. At the tender age of 10 I found this unacceptable. Where was Adam's responsibility, he knew the consequences as well as Eve, he could have said, "No." ... The next qualification, first confession, was a joke. What sins could a 10 year old have?  "I argued with  my sister over who got the larger slice of cake..." The priest in attendance was so obviously having such a boring day at the office that I questioned why I needed an intermediary with god. Then to top it all off I was required to eat the body & blood of christ. GROSS!!!! Now don't get me wrong, Jesus gave the world a great new philosophy, love your neighbor we are all children of god. Basically his words refute the old testament  offering a kinder gentler way... (that does not stop the greedy one way hate mongers who justify their pillaging in the cause of their god)  I can not accept human sacrifice as an expiation of my sins. I am solely responsible for my actions & need no blood to wash away my guilt. Ursula LeGuin wrote a story about a utopia where all people, except one child, lived absolutely wonderful,  perfect happy lives. All knew of the one miserable sacrifice kept for the good of every one. The last line has always stayed with me, "What kind of city did they build, the ones who walked away from utopia?"  

I briefly tried life as an atheist, it is too difficult to walk through life without a crutch... The function of a deity is to be mommy & daddy when the world is too difficult to handle. They explain how it all began, the good & bad parts in the middle, the rules that make society function, what the rewards & punishments are for good & bad behavior & where it will all end up. These guidelines help make sense out of a senseless universe, boundaries to keep us safe from the unknown.   

Prayers are wishes for a better life & a way to express thankfulness when life is obviously good.   I believe in the power of prayer & that it does not matter to what deity the prayers are directed. 

It seems each culture has received its' own messiah or prophet. Each with some very good messages. One of the finest universal messages is 'Help each other'. 

In Process  A Class called Life

Each student begins the semester with:

  a cheque book, $x 

monthly bills in the form of class grades - for every percent under 100, they will be charged above a nominal monthly charge (this is kept track through an as yet unmade computer program, similar to an accounting spread sheet, used on the students server account.)

Example - Math - 87% -- bill $13 + $5 per class per month

Weekly budgets must be filled out using real prices for food, gas & miscellaneous expenses.  To include - laundry,  (penalties in grade points if not paid for)

Weekly 'Current Events' essay on news items which directly affect our lives.

A rotational week as "pregnant" with weighted pregnant belly (boys included). Followed by 3 weeks as a parent, each week with a different age child... (different life lessons included, ex. Your child has colic stay up until 1:am trying to soothe him. Or Your teenager is at the police station drunk, bail is $20,000. Write an essay how you will help them, starting by deducting bail from your account)

  

The following is an email interview from a young fan & my response.

Thank you for giving me this opportunity to interview you.  I
appreciate your courtesy.  As you know, I am very passionate about
painting, and aim to establish a career from my talent.  I have some
questions regarding to how I may fulfill this dream.
How did you begin your career as an artist?
What medias do you work with?
Do all your paintings typically try to demonstrate the same messages
of acceptance, hope, and beauty?
Some people can be extremely critical of artists.  How do you respond
to criticism?
What would you say is a more fulfilling career money wise, morality
wise, passion wise: your career as a teacher, or as an artist?
Do you believe painting is a talent you are born with, or a talent
that can be obtained and molded?
What do you wish the observer to feel when they look at your paintings?
I would love to make a living as a painter.  How would I go about
getting my work discovered and getting myself known?
Some people use art as a healing tool or as a spiritual guidance.
Does your art have a deeper purpose than what the typical observer
cannot see by a glance?
You have a distinct style in your paintings.  Do you think this is an
important quality for an artist to be discovered?
Do you believe an artist should have a college education to be successful?
Do you have any other advice or anything else you would like to include?
Thank you so much for letting me interview you.  Your responses I'm
sure will bring me closer, if not all the way, to my goal of being an
accomplished painter and artist much like yourself.  

Thank you,  Leah


I have tried to answer your questions in the order they were asked. More or less.
 I knew I wanted to be an artist by the time I was 5, being lucky to have
found an avocation so early, I began learning.
 I love drawing, it is foundational to painting. I work  with oil paint now, though
I learned with acrylics. There are advantages with each type of paint.
 The Magic Kinder series is certainly about exploring the positive or
spiritual side of being human. As perceptual beings, I believe that
aesthetics enhance living if by no other means than to calm the senses. The
philosophy of aesthetics is more immense than this email, & is a life long
personal learning experience.
 Art is a subjective media. ( One persons favorite color is another person's
bird cage lining... ) As individuals we must seek a path of expression which
satisfies an inner directive & ignore negative criticism. That is not to say
ignore all criticism, listen closely to the few you will choose to trust,
especially if you admire their work. Perfection is a journey of discovery &
experiment, not a stagnant destination. I still learn with each new painting,
either how to push pigment around a flat surface or how to express myself.
 If I am "discovered" tomorrow I could become financially solvent, yet would
still find a way to work with short people. Being an artist allows me to
express my inner voice & world. Being a teacher allows me to connect with &
perhaps shape small people on their journey to becoming an adult. Both of
these occupations are morally & passionately fulfilling in different ways.
Both, I was born with a talent to draw accurately. I know people who learned
the hard way with diligent practice. A very good friend from college, who
can not draw accurately, loves art, his work is about ideas, not form. He is
a VERY successful illustrator in New York city .
When someone looks at my work I would like the experience to be about
communication, of being open & relaxed enough to see more than a 30 second
sound bite. I would love it if the observer would connect with their own
inner child & be comforted. Or at least see that the future is growing
before us, what will we contribute to it.
The trail to having a career as an artist is individual. Standard operating
procedures are to promote yourself any which way you can. Get your work
shown in alternative space ( Coffee shops, classy restaurants, real estate
offices, etc. ) & get your shows advertised, the arts section of your local
paper, cheap postcards to everyone & their brother, etc. Enter contests
which are relevant to your work, send nice postcards to magazine or book
editors ( illustration work ), comb the internet for galleries that sell
work similar, but, not the same as your work & interview with them. Have a
beautiful portfolio of work. Draw an apple 75 different ways ( as an
exercise in creativity... ) Do a web search for Art consultants. They often
have articles on how to improve your chances of being "discovered".
The artists you most admire may influence your style. Style is the personal
touch that each individual has automatically. As you develop your talents,
your style will emerge. It is as natural as how you walk.
A college education was beneficial to me, it laid a foundation of what is
already known about the process of creating art. Art History gives depth,
why recreate the color wheel? Working in the same room with other artists
increases creativity exponentially. Any chance to be in the same room with
compatible artists is beneficial.
Extraneous advice - fill up at least 2 drawing pads ( in a year ) with
sketches of hands & feet. You have some models on you, in  the mirror or
while waiting for the bus... Reduce them to geometric shapes & angles. Draw
 large to small. Keep practicing.
I hope this answers you appropriately. Please contact me again if you need
more information or even just clarification.
I would love to see some of your work, any chance? 
Sincerely, Gemma

Civilization

Most people assume that civilization began with the control of fire... Actually fire is merely the means to procure HOT WATER  on demand. Hot water is the basis of civilization. When a Neanderthal tribe were dragging their knuckles across new territory, they came across some natural hot springs. Most likely they were cold & tired when a genius among them climbed into one of the pools to warm up. The next morning when they climbed out they discovered that they could stand upright, the hot water had cured a chronic bad back in all of them.  Modern archeologists need only connect the dots to arrive at the so called missing link.

Evolution 

(or progress from infancy. . . )

Parasite - Attached to 

Aliens - They don't know our language or customs

Rug Rats - The beginning of motility which shall not cease

Booger Noses - They do not have the coordination or self awareness to keep their noses clean

Monsters - They truly do not know how scary they are

Savages - Hormones have begun

Barbarians - They are accustomed to their hormones, yet still assume they can conquer the world

Party Animals - Similar to Raccoons, they are looking for the proverbial free lunch 

Human - Completely self responsible, honest & compassionate

Ogres & Trolls - A small population which refuses to accept self responsibility

This file is still under study & subject to revision with any new data.

What ever happened to Lilith?!!!

We can trace our dysfunctions to our childhoods, how we were treated in the family & how our families behaved. Our families behavior can be traced to their childhoods & so on & so on... 

Adam was a posterior sphincter. Adam left Lileth at his gods request, the first divorce, the first abandonment. If he could willingly give up the responsibilities for his first family, it is no surprise that he could project his guilt about the apple to Eve as all her fault. Their children inherited misogyny. (The daughters are not even mentioned by name as if unworthy. Misogyny demeans one gender beneath the other, which debases both genders. Issues of esteem tumble over dominance,  creating a situation of pain & humiliation. Favored sons learn arrogance & greed as a right. Daughters  denied equality are condemned as second class citizens.  A society with 2nd class citizens becomes abusive in its' power.) Raised in an atmosphere of hatred,  murder was a natural escalation in dysfunctions.  Cain & Abel fought the first war, granted a rather small scale war, but lethal hostility none the less. The old testament gives many more examples of deadly conflicts, mostly my god is bigger & better than your god justifications, which have fueled the dysfunctions of power, greed, dominance & hatred. Back to families though... Job was offensive excrement. As the first written example of incest & pedophilia, he was foundational in millennial amounts of grief. 

It all comes back to Adam was a posterior sphincter.